LOTR: the make~fun~of version

[Klayia_Greenleaf]

They might come out with a second chapter once the second movie comes out.  The kid that posted it said his dad wrote it after seeing the movie.

[swift_falcon]

Well, I'll just have to wait for the late holiday season, then...thanks for informing me...

[Rowan Mayfair]

Hey I found another one..hehe

Frodo:  Hi, Gandalf!
Gandalf:  Bilbo, give him your ring.
Bilbo:  Okay.  Bye!
Gandalf:  See you at the pub, Frodo.

Frodo:  Doo-de-do.
Nazgul:  Boo!
Frodo:  Eeeek!
Merry:  (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek!
Pippin:  (ditto) Eeeek!
Sam:  Ha ha, can't catch us now!

Tom Bombadil:  Hello little friends!
Frodo:  No time for you, weirdo.
Tom Bombadil:  (disappears)

Saruman:  See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my
 business cards and write "Bad," and I'm all set.
Gandalf:  I never saw /that/ coming.
Saruman:  Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs
 and war machinery which were in plain sight.
Gandalf:  Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a
 high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not
 prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the
 canonical dungeon deep underground.  Oh, wait.

Frodo:  (whispering) Keep a low profile.
Pippin:  (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right?
Merry:  (loudly) Or the ring either, right?
Strider:  Right.  Don't mention the ring.  (laughs)
 It's okay, I'll save you.

Pippin:  (whining) Are we there yet?
Nazgul:  Bwa ha ha ha.  Give us the ring, little worm.
Frodo:  Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names-
Sam:  Hmm, looks like swords work too.
Strider:  Go away, bad men!
Nazgul:  The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered
 by this one Ranger!

[Rowan Mayfair]

Frodo:  Wow, we're in Rivendell!
Merry:  That was easy.
Pippin:  Don't knock it.
Sam:  Elves are cool!
Elrond:  Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble.
Gimli:  You can't throw them out while I'm here!
Legolas:  Same for me!
Elrond:  Right, all of you wankers leave now.
Gandalf:  But I just got here.
Boromir:  I'll just invite myself along.  No real reason.
 Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind.  Nope.
Strider:  Look, they fixed my sword!  (swish)  Wheeeee!

Frodo:  Such beautiful scenery.  The green grass and leaves are so-
[THUD]
Pippin:  Where the hell did all this snow come from?
Gandalf:  Don't blame me.  Who knew that mountains could be cold on top?
Gimli:  Told you we should go through the mines.
Strider:  Let the dwarf have his way.
Legolas:  Fine, whatever, just open the door.
Gimli:  Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside.
Boromir:  What a bunch of dicks.
Gandalf:  Of course!  (applies C4 to the problem)  [POOF]
Sam:  Such magic.

Merry:  Ooooo, dead dwarf over here!
Gimli:  Boo hoo.
Pippin:  HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!!
Gandalf:  Twit.
Orcs:  Oh good, we were getting hungry.  Do you have any idea
 how difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandonded mines?
Boromir:  (Slash)
Legolas:  (Pfft)
Gimli:  (Whack)
Orcs:  This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship.
Frodo:  Ouch!
Strider:  Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished!  Our quest has failed!
Frodo:  Just kidding.  I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick
 while I was standing in profile to y'all.  Pretty funny, eh?
Balrog:  Dammit, I was sound asleep.  That really ticks me off.
Gandalf:  We are so doomed.
Strider:  Not if we run away!  (does so)
Boromir:  First good idea you've had.  (follows)
hobbits:  (already in the lead)
Gandalf:  (trailing)  It matters not!  You cannot outrun the demon!
Legolas:  We don't have to . . .
Gimli:  . . . we just have to outrun *you*.
Balrog:  Your ass is mine, wizard.  (drags Gandalf down with him)
Strider:  Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen!
Frodo:  I'm over it.
Sam:  Yeah, let's go, there's no food here.

[Rowan Mayfair]

Legolas:  Wondrous are these woods!
Gimli:  And full of cutthroat elves.
Celeborn:  We were told of your coming.  Well, "warned" is more accurate.
Galadriel:  I know you better than you know yourselves.
Sam:  You've got nothing better to do with your time?
Galadriel:  Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror.
Frodo:  Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here?  What mirror
 are you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water.
Galadriel:  But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be!
Frodo:  I'm guessing you're a day trader.  Here, you take the ring.
Galadriel:  I will not.  (hangs her head)  I lost the instructions.
Frodo:  Great, I'm still stuck with it.
Celeborn:  Check-out time!

Pippin:  (singing)  Row row row your boat, gently down-
Gimli:  Shut the hell up.  Seven hours of that is enough.
Strider:  All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling.

Boromir:  Give me the ring.
Frodo:  Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible,
 it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches.
Boromir:  Arrrrrgghhh!  I'm just trying to save my kingdom!
 Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head?
 Ah, this will do nicely.  (whack)
Frodo:  Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous
 place in the world.
Sam:  Works for me.  (they leave)
SuperOrcs:  Kill kill kill!
Merry:  Help, help, Auntie Em!  (waves his tiny sword pathetically)
Pippin:  Christ, look at the size of these guys, we're dead meat.
Boromir:  Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my special horn and
 we shall be rescued by soldiers . . who are . . hundreds . . of . .
 miles . . away . . guess we are pretty stuffed after all.  (dies)
SuperOrcs:  Kill kill kill!
Legolas:  Look at my form.  Damn, I'm good.
Gimli:  I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow.
Strider:  Looks like Frodo got away.  Well, there's no chance in hell
 I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact
 opposite direction.
Legolas:  Okay.
Gimli:  Sure.

       THE END

[Imrel]

lol.

well that was very to the point. ;D

[LadyArwenUndómiel]

This is great! I'm almost bursting with laughter. Does anyone here have a copy of "The Road Kill to Middle Earth?" It is full of jokes and my favorite part has to be when the Witch-King dies in a car crash!

[The Witch King]

Why doesn't that surprise me.

[LadyArwenUndómiel]

Is it alright if I put in a joke about Aragorn (and any other Ranger)?

I don't think that anybody here watches "Yogi Bear in Jellystone Park" these days. Perhaps you don't remember Ranger Smith in his green hat running and chasing Yogi and Boo Boo (his sidekick) whenever they did something bad.

Now: What about Aragorn (wearing Ranger Smith's green hat and tie) chasing Yogi Bear all over the place? It's still a Ranger's mess!

[Imrel]

(i remember that cartoon. yogi was really asking for it. being i ranger, i guess i would say that.)

[LadyArwenUndómiel]

(Don't worry, Darkshines, the Wraith probably survived. Everyone knows that Mortals drive cars these days and no mortal man could harm you. So what if a guy crashed into you? Go to the court, sew him, win a million dollars and built another Dark Tower of your own!)

Go get him, Firebird! A fat, lazy, pathetic, lousy bear is no match for you! All it takes is a trick or two and he is of to the Siberian Zoo!!! (Even if you do wear red instead of green. But red is a nicer color, I have to admit!)

[Grubhosh]

have you lot ever read the imfamous project W.I.N.K.L.E.? go to www.tolkienonline.com/thewhitecouncil/messageview.cfm?catid=13&threadid=202 It's the best LOTR spoof script ever!

[Imrel]

Read it! I hard trouble holding my sides together, I swear...

I think that the Pot Roast should have had more lines, though... Hehe.

[LadyArwenUndómiel]

Hee hee! By the way, imagine what would happen if the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings worlds combined for just one day. It would be chaos!

*Arwen with her hair in two buns like Leia in Episode 4.
*R2D2 lets out a bunch of water at the Balrog and lights the fire out!
*Aragorn being Obi-Wan Kenobi's lost heir!
*Boromir teaching Merry to fight with a lightsaber.
*Pippin getting beat up by Sebulba. Poor hobbit!

I have some more, I'll post them later!

[Imrel]

Mind if I join in?

~Legolas will tell Sam at random times, "It's all your fault!"
~It will be revealed at the end of The Two Towers that Arwen is Frodo's twin sister. (You heard me.)
~There will only be two Nazgul. Always two there are. (I do a mean Yoda imperssion.)
~Boromir's horn now plays "Augie's Great Municiple Band".
~Sauron drags a choir of minions everywhere with him so they can sing "Duel of the Fates" for his theme tune.
~The Uruk-Hai will have to squeeze into white plastic storm-trooper outfits.